Monday, January 11, 2010

Can You Forgive And Forget When Hurt Or Do You Harbor Resentment Against The Person Who Hurt You?





Can you forgive and forget when hurt or do you harbor resentment against the person who hurt you?




Tags: Forgive, Forget, Hurt, Betrayal, Harbor Resentment, Healing of Wounds, Move On, Philosophy of Life, Christian Values, Golden Rule, Forgive So That You Can Be Forgiven


Posted by: Mel Avila Alarilla
Philippines
Viewpoint/Opinion

18 comments:

kathy said...

I am guilty of holding grudges to people who hurt me po.. Although I know deep inside that it's not right to hold grudges. I pray everyday na sana, ma-forgive ko na sila all the way. Para na rin sa peace of mind ko.

Hindi po ako mahilig makipag-talo kaya kahit masakit na ang sinasabi ng tao, tahimik lng ako pero deep inside nasasaktan ako... Iiyak lng ako ng tago. And everytime I see that person I tend to remember the pain, and the emotions are boiling up again...

It's still a work in progress for me regarding this matter kuya Mel. Cguro if I learn to stand for myself and say something back when they make snide remarks towards me or my kids or hubby (basta family ko na ang ina-argabyado, that's hitting me below the belt na), I would not get hurt as much and I would not hate them that much. Cguro lng, kasi I am not a confrontational type.

I always pray to be able to forgive all the way and I always ask for forgiveness because of that. Sana po someday, I would learn so I'll become a better Christian.

Salamat po sa post... Sensya na po hindi ako nakabisita for awhile kasi I had a break from blogging for 2 days...


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Pia said...

if you asked me this question last year, i would have doubted myself if i say i can forget. but just this year, 2010, God taught me to forgive and forget. i still get thoughts of revenge but i know that is not from God. i believe that i am still a work in progress. i'm glad though that God has already started to transform me to be a person after His own heart.

Mama Ko said...

I thin we can forgive the person who hurt us but we can forget about it, its part of the past experiences we always have that in our system.

I don't hold grudges but I just can't forget the people who hurt me. or not those people who make me happy, hurt, friendly, nice, mean and more hehehe.

david santos said...

Hello, Mel! I am with you! Happinesses for you.

Have a nice day!

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Kathy,
We are just humans and it may take a while for us not to be bothered by hurting remarks by others. Just like you, I am a very sensitive person too and I do not show any emotions when deliberately hurt. What I do is try to avoid that person and surrender whatever hurts I feel to God so that He will wash away any negative feelings I may have. Sa Diyos ako nagsusumbong at humihingi nang hustisya kapag ako ay inaagrabyado. Hindi ako gumaganti dahil sabi ng Diyos, it is mine to avenge. Nasa tamang landas ka naman at talagang pinipilit mong mabago ang tuntunin mo sa buhay. Pray that the Holy Spirit will transform you. We are all works in progress. Thanks for your visit and honest comments. God bless you all always.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi sis Pia,
That's wonderful news. It is best that all of us should focus on God's wonderful promises than be bothered by negative thoughts. We should just pray for those who hurt us and surrender everything to God. I am very glad that you are making wonderful strides in your walk with the Lord. Thanks for your visit and inspiring comments. God bless you all always.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Shy,
If we really forgive a person we should be able to forget the hurt done to us and move on. Holding to the memory of past hurts will only fan the flames of bitterness in our heart. It is best to just focus on the happy memories in our lives than on the negative things that happened to us. Thanks for your visit and honest comments. God bless you all always.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi David,
Thank you so much. Happiness to you too. Thanks for your visit and comments. God bless you always.

bingkee said...

As a natural human being, we have a hard time forgiving. But I learned how to do it but it took me a long time to learn it. When I learned how to forgive, the forgetting was even much harder. You know how I learned to forgive....just by reading a lot about forgiveness and of course, just taking heed of what Jesus said about forgiveness. He paid the price---He became a sacrifice for our sins.
"His mercies never come to an end....they are new every morning...great is His faithfulness" and this one also struck me.
"If you forgive those who sinned against you, your Heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins." Matthew 6:14-15

I don't want not to be forgiven because I know I am sinful. And that is why I said to myself , I will forgive ALL those who wronged me.

Forgetting is harder but I learned if I don't forget it's like keeping an account of their sins. It's like rewinding past hurts and I don't want to be remembered of those past so I try to avoid thinking about it. However, sometimes it's inevitable that trust is broken and scarred , so the other person has to make an effort to restore that trust.

Manang Kim said...

Hi Mel, parang na remember ko ang movie ni Shawie and gabby noong kabataan ko lol, yung forgive and forget. Ito kumakanta pa nga ako hehehe1
Anyhow, this is kind of hard to answer (atsus may pa hard2x pa ako ha) pero in all honesty, madali akong magpatawad. Because I look at this way...baka kasi ginawa niya yun dahil may problema siya at hinde ako bwehehehehe!
Ang hinde kasi natin alam lahat nang ginawa natin ay manifestation nang kung ano nasa loob nang ating puso at utak. Kaya minsan makagawa tayo nang hinde maganda sa kapwa natin.
In forgetting naman sometimes I fail in this category eh I can't help but remember the moment and sometimes some of those moments still has pain that lingers. Buti nalang yung iba eh wala nang pain kaya forgive and forget na talaga yun.
Eh may ibang meron pa talaga so hahayaan ko nalang na ang time na ang mahilom at no isip nalang to that moment para hinde a-angkla kilay ko hehe.
Pero may former "friends" ako na hinde ko na lang talaga kinibo kasi the pain is too much and if I will rekindle it baka maging FIRE!! Huwag na!
Oh di ba parang may angst pa ako hahahaha bitter pa talaga pero isa lang naman hahaha!

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Bingkee,
Forgiving and eventually forgetting is a personal matter. But we must remember what you just quoted that if we will not forgive, neither will our sins be forgiven by our Father. Forgetting will be easier if we continue to bless the person who hurt us. That way, the Holy Spirit will enable us to overcome our feeling of being hurt and in due time we can finally forget. Thanks for your visit and comments. God bless you all always.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Kim,
Tuwang tuwa ako sa comments mo, very honest at down to earth, lol. By nature eh mabait ka Kim kaya sa tingin ko ay hindi ka mahihirapang magpatawad. Kapag inisip nating marami rin tayong nasagasaan sa buhay natin ay siguro mas madaling makalimot. At tama ang sinabi mo, kung ano ang nasa puso at isipan natin ay siyang magiging aksyon natin. Kaya pwede ngang naging biktima lang tayo nang isang bad mood or bad day nang isang tao. Mabait ka Kim inside and out and this manifest sa lahat mong ginagawa. Thanks for your visit and comments. God bless you all always.

turisuna said...

Forgive and forget someone who has ever hurt me is not easy. I'm just ordinary human and I can still remember with what he/she has done to me. But life must go on, remembering something bad on the past won't take me anywhere, so at the end I try to forgive and forgot him/her and continue my life.

Mel Avila Alarilla said...

Hi Turisuna,
The reason why we must forgive and forget is for us to finally move on with our lives. No use crying over spilled milk. Sometimes we lose, sometimes we win. We ourselves have hurt someone in some point in our lives. It is best to leave everything to God for He is the great equalizer. Thanks for your visit and comments. God bless you always.

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