by Jeremy Lelek
Imagine struggling with an incessant issue wherein its history is
filled with harsh stigmatism and bigotry. Imagine suffering under this
daily condition feeling as though you were a shameful, less-than-human,
unlovable outcast. To make things worse, the place where you go to
worship God regularly spouts condemning slogans against the very
struggle with which you are wrestling. Words such as evil and abomination
become a part of your psychological identity because anyone who suffers
from your issue is given these labels. Your daily emotional companions
are shame, self-condemnation, depression, and confusion.
Then imagine you stumble upon a respected ministry that touts they have
the answer for what ails you. Simply go through their program, they
claim, and your shameful tendencies will be eliminated. You hear
testimonies of others who once identified as gay that now live
“straight” lives—some even marrying a person of the opposite sex and
developing a seemingly fulfilling relationship.
Hundreds of men and women have traveled down a very similar path as the
above vignette. Unfortunately, the destination of their journey fell
far short of their expectations. Upon completion of the program they
maintained an emotional high that continued to motivate them for a time,
but eventually, the relentless nature of their hearts seeped through
their religious fantasy and ultimately they had to come to grips with
the fact that their same-sex attractions were still alive and well. Back
to the closet of secrecy they were confined. They struggle with a
strong sense of failure because their same-sex attractions are still
present. Now married with no physical attraction to their spouse, what
seemed a promising dream is now a dismal nightmare.
I know very respected and godly researchers who are far more expert
than I as it regards Reparative Therapy (a model that is supposed to
reorient a person’s sexual attractions), and in no way am I slandering
their work or their names. If there is an intervention that could
resolve, for many, what is a tormenting issue, then thanks be to God if
such a discovery is ever made. Yet I think the Bible offers something
far more hopeful to people wrestling with homosexuality than the
eradication of symptoms (i.e., same-sex attraction), and I believe we
place homosexuality in a special category of sin when we treat it so
differently than other struggles we face as a fallen people.
For example, would we ever tell a married man who struggles with lust
that we are going to take him through a therapeutic intervention where
he will become solely attracted to his wife? Would we raise his hopes
that upon completing therapy he will not wrestle with attraction towards
other women ever again—that his lust for others will be eradicated from
his heart? I certainly would make no such promises, and the Bible
doesn’t either. This line of reasoning would be akin to telling a
depressed or anxious counselee that because he has counseled with me he
will never experience depression, sadness, anxiety or fear again. This
logic completely denies the brokenness in our hearts caused by
depravity, and sets a dangerous foundation for condemnation and despair.
When our efforts are primarily aimed at symptom alleviation or
behavioral modification, then I believe we are completely missing the
mark and likely hurting those we serve. We may inadvertently create a
system of redemption that is centered more in experiential management of
sin rather than teaching people to rest in the full and complete work
of Jesus Christ. Instead of helping others experience Jesus’ words when
he urged sinners, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I
will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am
gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my
yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (
Matt. 11:28–30), we unintentionally place upon their shoulders a “yoke of slavery” (
Gal. 5:1) with our therapeutic interventions.
Once hope is placed in our systems, they no longer find peace in the
gentle and safe refuge of Jesus, but instead experience a life “severed
from Christ” (
Gal. 5:4)—a
life where the Gospel becomes tragically silent and the noise of
legalism becomes deafening. It is here I believe the promises offered by
models such as Reparative Therapy stray from the redeeming work of God
who is accomplishing His transformation of the saint “in all things” (
Rom. 8:28–29).
The Redeeming Hope of the Gospel
1.
The Gospel and Christian Life are about God
When I counsel those struggling with homosexual attraction, one of the
first things I want them to do is trust God. Now, when I use the word
struggle,
I am referring to a person who has not accepted homosexuality as being
morally right, but who daily fights against these desires wishing they
didn’t exist in the first place. By the time such individuals reach my
office, they have promised themselves 100s of times that they will never
lust after the same sex again or look at homosexual pornography again
or engage in other homosexual activities again. Such promises are always
broken, leaving them in a cycle of shame and condemnation. Since they
are unable to completely eliminate their sin, they often turn from God.
It is not unusual for me to tell such a person, “It is time to gaze
upon God’s faithfulness not your own.” Jesus knows the burden of sexual
temptation, and He has profound sympathy for anyone whose hearts are
captured by this issue (
Heb. 2:17–18; 4:14–15). He is also committed to saving and transforming His own so that they reflect children of glory (
Rom. 8:28-29; 1 Thess. 4:3).
Does this mean that He has promised to remove all sexual affections or
any sexual affection completely? No. As a matter of fact, the Bible
tells us that there is a war raging in our hearts that will not rest
until we see Him face to face (
Gal. 5:16–17). What God promises is His presence and faithfulness (
Heb. 13:5). His presence to hold His children through any storm in life until the day of resurrection (
John 6:37–40). He promises His presence as our Helper to empower us to walk wisely and resist sin (
John 14:16–17). He promises His faithfulness to not allow anything to separate us from His love (
Rom. 8:37–39). He assures us of His faithfulness to complete His work of redemption in our lives (
Phil. 1:6).
Very often it is in the presence, not the absence, of our sinful
struggles that God magnifies the beauty and value of His faithfulness.
The struggle is often an occasion for rich abiding worship.
2.
The Redeeming Work of the Gospel Enables Us to Hear and Obey God
When Paul is addressing the Corinthians regarding sexual sin, he
doesn’t tell them that if they just believe, God will remove all their
ungodly sexual temptation. Instead, he assumes the possible presence of
such temptations and writes things like, “Flee sexual immorality” (
1 Cor. 6:18a) and “… for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body” (
1 Cor. 6:20).
When the author of
Proverbs
is counseling his son, he doesn’t treat him as though he will not
wrestle with sexual temptation, but offers wisdom when such imminent
temptation arises. Concerning the adulteress, he warns, “Keep your way
far from her, and do not go near the door of her house” (
Prov. 5:8), “Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes” (
Prov. 6:25), “Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray onto her paths” (
Prov. 7:25).
The inference of both Paul and the author of Proverbs is that sexual
temptation is a possibility, and the way to combat such longings are
fleeing, resisting, and living to the glory of God. The ability to walk
by faith comes through the hearing of the Gospel (
Rom. 10:17) and the supernatural awaking of our hearts to want God and His ways (
Eph. 2:4–8).
Upon such awakening, Jesus works in us (over a lifetime, moment by
moment) to create in us hearts that are zealous to do what is good and
holy (
Titus 2:11–14).
He saves us then progressively enables us to glorify him in our lives
and bodies through obedience. Healing may not be universally
characterized as the complete elimination of sexual temptation from the
human heart, but by hearts that are transformed and empowered by His
grace to obey (from the New Self) when sexual temptation seeks to grip
us (from remnants of the Old Self) (
Eph. 4:22–24).
3.
Hope in Symptom Eradication Minimizes the Pervasive Reality of Sin and our Desperate Need for Jesus, Our Redeemer
Some people hold to the idea that homosexual or heterosexual
temptations are only sins if they are acted upon. If the attraction is
there, but you resist acting upon it, then you’re good to go. I think
this conceptualization minimizes our Gospel need and refutes the
teachings of Jesus who said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You
shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at
a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in
his heart” (
Matt. 5:27–28).
Jesus was speaking to people who had developed elaborate systems of
“holiness” that gauged their sense of goodness and righteousness before
God. Many of them likely exuded a great deal of pride, considering
themselves good men because they had never given their bodies over to
the act of adultery. Jesus obliterated their paradigm, however. He knew
that every man standing in front of Him was guilty of this sin. In some
ways, it seems as though he was setting up the despair of their
situation, thereby ushering in the only hope for their dilemma—Himself.
If sin was more than a behavioral issue, but was ultimately an inner
issue of the heart, then they were all doomed (
Matt. 15:17–20). That is, unless their righteousness could be found elsewhere.
As Christians who wrestle with either heterosexual or homosexual lusts,
we must hate such sins, but not be threatened by their presence. If my
hope resides in the absence of sinful thoughts and desires, then I am
going to have to resign myself to a life of hopelessness. But if my hope
resides in the righteousness of Another when such lusts present
themselves in my heart, then there is reason for genuine hope. I can
rest in the wonderful words of the author of Hebrews as the basis to
fight my sins:
“But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for
sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, waiting from that time until
his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are
being sanctified. And the Holy Spirit also bears witness to us; for
after saying, ‘This is the covenant that I will make with them after
those days, declares the Lord: I will put my laws on their hearts, and
write them on their minds,’ then he adds, ‘I will remember their sins
and their lawless deeds no more.’ Where there is forgiveness of these,
there is no longer any offering for sin” (Heb. 10:12–18).
In the end, our situation is far worse than we realize. Even if
therapy helps remove sexual temptation, we are still condemned—that is,
unless we place our faith in the One who made this single sacrifice for
all our sins. At that point, upon placing faith in Jesus, our situation
becomes far better than we could ever imagine. Our sins remind us of our
desperation and propels us towards a God of infinite love,
faithfulness, and mercy. It thrusts us into the magnificent glories of
the Gospel.
May we not shrink our hopes to the small goals of the temporal removal
of sin, but may our hopes rejoice in the eternal removal of all our sins
(past, present, and future) because of a God who loves us more than our
feeble minds can fathom.
